The Uni-farce-ity Outfitters

-This article was a collaboration between myself and Alex Tompkins for the university newspaper back in late ’08. We never submitted it in the end, but it’s up on here for your eyes to feast upon…-

To my devastation, the new ‘Christmas Handbook’ Jack Wills catalogue came through our door recently followed by the ‘Spring Term’ one, addressed to a previous inhabitant of our shared university house. Followed, not long after, by the ‘Spring Term’ catalogue, an unwanted piece of mail which I’m sure you are all well accustomed to receiving.

I began scanning through the Christmas catalogue, and I was greeted by photo shoots set against backdrops of regal houses and other typically ‘rich’ settings, boys in Jack Wills rugby shirts, young girls in clothes typically worn by attendants of horse racing events, the bi annual polo meet, or the croquet fundraiser. Jack Wills, placing the claim of ‘University Outfitters’ alongside price tags of over one hundred pounds angers me to the core.

Ultimately, which self respecting 18 year old prances around in nothing but an overpriced, woolly knitted Christmas number, a skimpy pair of undies and some mockup-ugg-boots, making out with their 28 year old model boyfriend who is wearing essentially the same, next to a Christmas tree and roaring open fire in the local country manor..? The catalogue suggests these activities are somewhat normal for a student.

"... Tarquin and I tend to role with just the three tee shirts.'

Three reasons why I have deep-seated issues with the above:

Number One – Fundamental values of the student – Budget Mentality

Traditionally the fundamental values of the student centre around budget, getting by on as little as possible and the fun that comes with this. Everyone is familiar with the 10 second rule, curried beans, and the old adage ‘the sell by date is still good for a week or two it’s a sell by date’. Heck, I once heard someone even say they used a connie twice in a weekend. Essentially, learning to budget, cook, clean and all the rest, is a considerable slice of the university pie. The demographic simply can’t afford a butler to do it for them.

The ‘University Outfitters’ over at Jack Wills seem to have neglected these core values, the prices ringing in at crippling £69 for a simple rugby shirt, £49 for a polo shirt, £69 for a normal shirt, and £98 for a pair of jeans… University outfitters? The cheapest thing in the Jack Wills catalogue is £19, lets face it: who wants to spend nineteen pounds on a pair of boxer shorts? This would buy you nine pairs of boxers in Primark.

I conclude this section with my disgruntlement aimed at those clobbered-up with JW merchandise who aim to look scruffy with loosely tied up hair or the hem of their tracky bees frayed and mud stained… You paid a wedge for those garments and have gone to more effort to look like you don’t care than if you did – 0h the paradoxical irony is not lost on me. So take care of them and wear them proper.

Number Two – Fundamental values of the student – Arts

'.. whereas Perry tends to crack four tee-shirts. Needless to say, three of the collars are popped.'

The second issue that I take with Jack Wills clothing is the promotion of the wealthy British archetype, which I feel is in complete contradiction of the value of being a young student, protest mentality and passion for the arts and sciences. When was the last time you witnessed a great artist or a musician in clothes ready to go clay pigeon shooting or dressed up in the rugger shirt ready for a good old pimms on the deck? Why are we embracing this sterile abandonment of all values of youth and paying top dollar for the privilege?

If we put this in a case study: A kid growing up is passionate about music, for example, and traverses adolescence wearing denim jeans, band tee shirts, hitting high fives, and saying dude as much as is humanly possible. Why? Because he idolises the people who are in the bands, who are making their living playing music, he wants to do the same. On this basis, the kid growing up wearing Jack Wills, a company who appear to openly promote the conservative, upper class and privatised lifestyle, surely is embracing an aspiration to become the very same. I find this a worrying concept, knowing full well the public funding cuts that the conservative party(ies) want to implement, especially in the healthcare sector – keeping the rich richer and the poor poorer. Furthermore, these students are meant to be the future cream of Britain, should they not know better?

Don’t get me wrong I like rugby, I have no problem with people wearing their national or club rugby shirt (ringing in at 40 pounds), but why would you pay 29 pounds over the odds for a rugby shirt with the number 9 on it, with no actual rugby calibre? Bearing in mind that this 40 pounds buys you a specifically engineered professional rugby shirt. I mean, come on, they don’t even look good!

Number Three – Fundamental values of the human – don’t be taken for a fool

44 quid for a knitted scarf, are you shittin’ me?

Thanks to Lord Alexander ‘Spiffing Shot’ Tompkins and Duke Benjamin ‘Pass me the Cravat’ Waterhouse (…ahem) for their input.

TV killed the radio… Time for the internet to take revenge

As we find ourselves now in full flow of 2009, it’s fair to say it’s appropriate to look at how we entered it.

As fireworks were going off in London, inevitably the bangs and colours were replaced by gunfire and bombs going off in the east. Thousands of soldiers still placed in Iraq and Afghanistan to ‘restore’ peace and democracy, in what is considered by many as an unjust, ill-advised, and illegal war. This followed by promises to end fighting and for troop withdrawal, seemingly never fulfilled. Together with claims of success in the area and declaration of a war ended, it’s no wonder the public are reaching the end of their tether with their governments, who are vehemently claiming they are acting for the benefit of the country. I had realised the other day that this so called ‘War on Terror’ seems only to focus on one culture, one religion, one area of the world, one ‘threat’. Why have they not saught to cease oppression in Africa, or maybe try to put towards fixing some of the internal poverty of their own country. Indeed, let us strip Mugabe of a knighthood with one hand, and hang Sadam Hussein with the other. With the US war ticket pushing $600 billion and homeland healthcare prices and poverty at an all-time high, it looks like ousting the Bush administration came too little too late. Why it failed to happened sooner, I will never know. With the recent inauguration of President Obama, we can only hope that he makes some major changes.

Obama’s first act as President was to fully close Guantanamo Bay prison camp within the year, then to halt any final bills pending from his predecessor; one of which, might I add, was to legalise carrying a concealed weapon in some US public parks. I can’t fathom the logic behind twice electing a president willing to endanger the lives of their population in such a way in the first place…  So let’s watch what happens with Obama’s promises of new healthcare and poverty bills, the keystone to his election campaign, with crossed fingers.

It seems that today governments are forgetting who they are leading.. they are forgetting about the people who chose them, and thus distancing themselves. Television bigwigs cast their own political views across entire stations and as a result we rarely receive a balanced view of what’s actually happening. We are living in a world where people don’t always have time to find out what their candidates are proposing or reviewing the manifesto of one, let alone several parties. This paired with the fact that many people either find the world of politics so intimidating and boring that they are disinterested, or that they simply don’t understand. It’s about time we got up and did something about it… So what can we do about it.. how can people become enthused about their part in forming a country that looks after its people?

I have lived with no tv now for about 6 months and I don’t feel I am behind the times or that I have particularly missed out on anything. My reason is predominantly one: the internet. Yes, the internet. I believe people should work towards using the internet to its fuller potential… I’m not talking about reading Wikipedia ‘cover to cover’, I’m referring to news, politics, and current affairs sites. We happily go online to do our shopping, look at reviews of the latest gadgets and to get advice for that itch that just won’t go away, but so many people will insist on relying on mainstream media as the main source of their news. Why? these sources are the very ones censored to support whatever sordid views their owners have.

Hell, is it any wonder people are launching shoes left right and centre.

Bush ready to take a potential headshot from a loose cannon brogue

Finally people are getting so frustrated with their leaders, and world leaders for that matter, that they are finally starting to do something about it… Granted, footwear based happenings go down  a lot more recently than has ever been publicised, but still, in my book its a positive move forward. Maybe small acts will become en masse marches outside parliament, and im not talking about one day a year in May. Maybe people will not only walk their banners where they are told. In Birmingham, UK the designated protest walk route takes you into areas where nobody really goes… Peaceful marches are diverted to areas where no one will be ‘at risk’. A sign of an authority intimidated?…

I feel I have been going on long enough, all I can conclude with is that I can only hail these shoe throwing pioneers as great. What more can one ask for? A view conveyed, the point of a press conference forgotten, comedy value, and the vulnerability of a leader clearly exposed. So come, friends, listen not to the skewed views of the Sky, put down the Daily Express, and start tapping your fingers onto independent news sites, while listening to your favourite song, downloaded as a free torrent.

… and don’t even get me started on ID cards.